- "I absolutely could not believe that so many people out there have the same opinion of why Rainbow has declined
in recent years! I feel so vindicated! My assembly in [state] has gone through many ups and downs since I joined in
199[x]. I was in the first class of what came to be a year where we initiated 21 girls. Over the next few years, we
struggled to keep girls coming back. Why? The adults and board members who were living vicariously through their
daughters or reliving their Rainbow years. The backstabbing and vicious words were so hurtful (our board members had
names for those of us who defied their suggestions in favor of what we, as girls, wanted to do; the names were the
kind many would be shocked to hear in polite company) that many of us could be ruined on Rainbow forever. Having said
that, although I am still a little bitter toward Rainbow, I am not ungrateful. I was very shy and insecure when I
joined, as were many of the girls. I now fear no podium and no authority figure. I know that I can make myself heard
and I am a natural leader. Rainbow brought out these success strategies, albeit indirectly. I learned about
backstabbing, politics (I always wanted to write a book entitled Sex, Lies and DeMolay Guys!) and how to be a leader
among diverse groups. I work in a position where I must motivate (all at the same time): older people who are working
for 'fun', part-time people working for a little extra money, others working a second job and full-timers who need
their job to feed their kids. Every single member of my staff respects me and would follow me to the ends of the
earth. How? I learned how to do this through what I learned (or learned to avoid) in Rainbow and Job's Daughters
(I joined Job's after Rainbow, am a PHQ and their problems are nothing like ours, in my opinion).
The change in our assembly came when we switched sponsors from OES to Amaranth. Now, I know that most people who are in OES bristle when criticized, so I won't bother with that. Also, many of the board members have quit because their daughters got majority or they didn't have enough girls to terrorize. Now our board has a couple parents but is mostly Amaranth members w/o kids who feel a duty to support youth groups. I tried to be a member, but the old people were still there and still mean. I do attend some things (installations, grand receptions, maybe GA ... ), but it is so hard to convince anyone to come with me. That is how terrible many of my contemporaries feel. We say our friendships are the best things we got out of Rainbow, but are not really that interested in being involved. We are scarred somehow & afraid of doing the same to the current girls. I am pretty ambivalent about letting my kids join, but I am trying to recapture the good feelings and support Rainbow again.
I know I am long-winded, but someone mentioned less fortunate girls as a good group for Rainbow. Our assembly has regrouped on this basis, and the stories of those girls break my heart. The board (which, with the exception of my dad and the current Mother Advisor is a brand new bunch) helps find formals (some from my sister and I, others from the District Deputy) and shoes and also provides the support they desperately need.Thanks again for having a forum for people to look at Rainbow from both the inside and outside. I'm glad to have found this site!!"
- "I was reading the comment from the mother talking about how Rainbow has become so adult-oriented, and I couldn't
help but agree, wholeheartedly, with her assessment. So many times, adults get caught up in their excitement,
or in their silly rules, that they forget that this is supposed to be for the girls, giving them opportunities
they wouldn't have anywhere else. That point was never brought home so forcefully as it was in the past year,
right after my jurisdiction's Grand Assembly. Our assembly had four girls who were eligible to be nominated for
a Grand Office. Unfortunately, our jurisdiction only allows one girl per assembly to be nominated, even though
most of the representatives have two jurisdictions, sometimes three, or four. I have heard many arguments for
retaining the current requirements for Grand Officers, which haven't changed in at least the last fifteen years.
In all my time in Rainbow, I have never felt it was more of an injustice when one of the girls from my old
assembly sent me an email after she returned home, having been passed over for the nomination by a girl who,
unfortunately for her, had a parent on the board. I know there are all sorts of accusations that politics were
involved, and I can honestly, having seen these girls grow up in Rainbow, say I don't think this was a case of
politics. All of the girls were extremely close and all would have made wonderful nominees, however, only one
could be chosen. But, what was so poignant, to me, as an adult, who has seen her jurisdiction's adult leadership
flat out refuse to change with the times, and give as many girls, especially the wholly deserving ones, the
opportunity to serve as a Grand Officer, was the girl's question. "What was it that made that girl *so* much
better than any of us others?" I nearly cried when I read it. I had no answer. I could find no answer. There
is no excuse. Not for girls being hurt over something as simple as the chance to represent her assembly at the
state level. When will Rainbow learn? You can't keep hurting these girls and expect them to come back for more
of the same. You can't expect these girls who serve until they are 18, 19, or 20 and who find themselves caught
up in a vortex of politics and oneupsmanship, which is so often the case, wanting in another 10, 15 or 20 years
to serve again. And they won't want their daughters to serve either. Rainbow needs to change."
- "I have been reading and smiling for an hour now. I am positive that these comments are coming from our state.
(Although I know they can't be) It's about time someone actually said in print all the things I've been thinking
for the last 10 years. Heaven forbid you should say them out loud in [state]. I am a Rainbow girl from the 60's,
majority member, Star member and current Mother Advisor in our local assembly. I have 2 daughters in Rainbow. One
was GO and one GR now. I feel like you have gotten into my head and spill all of my thoughts. When did this
organization become so adult oriented? I don't remember it being that way when I was a kid. When did the fun
stop? We are trying to rebuild our assembly and state with a new deputy. Hopefully things will change but I have
been hearing that for 10 years. Change must come slowly I've been told but even I am frustrated with that answer.
The bright star that I see is the Rainbow Task Force. If the
states won't change maybe Supreme can help. The new dress code is great. Our assembly is a task force assembly and
excited to begin the new programs. I haven't seen anything on your web site about the task force--take a look at
the web page--www.sayrainbow.org if you get a chance. I love your website and will tell all my girls to check it out."
- Great Great Site!
"Former PWA, PMA & 6 time Grand officer from [state]. Past board member & Board Chairman. How true so many of your words are. Unfortunately, I had a big time fall out with [someone] who claimed to be a "friend". [My...] Rainbow "career" and hopes went with it. Now I'm trying to find a local assembly for my daughter but they apparently have folded in the area too.
I was in an assembly that had been around for over 40 years, now it's in darkness. How sad. I can't even locate my old "grandie" family [early to mid 1980's]. I will definitely be reading more when it's not so late. You are right - Supreme's site is BORING!!!"
- "I am a PWA/majority member of a [state] Assembly. My daughter was recently iniatated into an assembly in a
different state. Membership is so sad. The entire district of three assemblies has less girls than my whole
assembly did in 1980! I have joined the board and find the too many of my questions or suggestions are regarded
as "too" [state]. I was actually told that [state] takes too many liberties...this is from a State that allows
crowns, and not hoop skirts or mascots! The feeling I get is that some of those old timer adults are deep set in
their ways and aren't looking at the bigger picture, we need to make Rainbow attractive to the girls. I also find
that some of the adults are leary of telling the girls their floor work, ritual work and dress are not up to
standards, they are afraid the girl will not come back. I think some of the girls leave because the rules are not
being equally enforced. You all remember at least one girl that never knew her work, but that was ok, because of
who she was related to. Same here. My daughter was incredibly upset when a girl in another assembly was told that
she did a great job, when she had to be prompted through her entire lecture, a line officer with a Grand Cross and
a State office to boot. She was even wearing what looked like a black cocktail dress (it was dark blue) and black
shoes. I don't want make this juridiction another [state], but I would like my daughter to have some of the same
joy and sense of accomplishment I had. Not boring meetings with hour long escort (oh yes, I was at an official
visit that escort went on and on...come on adults, you don't need to be escorted! This is FOR the GIRLS). The
websites need more pictures of girls having fun, not a litany of term, colors and theme. Everyone needs to open
their minds to new and different ideas. Cocoons that change become butterflys, cocoons that don't change die."
- "In my opinion, bad advisory boards/members have destroyed more assemblies than than we suspect. I have been
involved in Rainbow for over 20 years and have seen some of what you discribed. However I think that "most" boards
are doing a good job. I have been the Chair of our local board ([name] Assembly #[number]) for over ten years and
I think that we have done pretty well, serving Rainbow and our girls. I think that when a board is formed, not
enough thought is applied to the selection of its members. Just because a person is a Mason, Eastern star or Amarath
member does not automatically make them a good member. Because it is so hard to find people that will put in the
time to be a board members, we tend to get anyone that will show up at the meetings, so they are left with what they
can get, sad. We have been very lucky or blessed here at [Assembly] by having (in my opinion) a Great Advisory Board.
I feel that an Advisory board member must support Rainbow and the Girls. that they MUST always keep in minde that
this assembly belongs to the girls!!!!!, that our job is to advise, not run the assembly. That we are there to support
them and guide them in the teaching of Rainbow. We have an open door policy at our board meetings where a girl and
her parents (if she wants them there) can attend and discuss anything she would like to bring up. Also all members
are listed by phone number if a members need to just use us as a sounding board. When we select a member to be on
our board we insist that they be deciated to the principals of Rainbow, the Assembly and most important, the Girls.
As to Majority Members on the Board,(we have two), They are what builds a GREAT board. They know what the girls are
going through and can relate to them. They can bring up problems they had as a Rainbow Girl, and assist the Board
greatly. We love our Majority board members, I wish we had more!! I also think it is sad, very sad, that we are not
able to get more reponse from the parents, I have seen the same thing you have written about. We have the same
parents involved over and over again. Some of them worked nights and have other reasons not to attend, but we are
going to set up programs and get them, one way or another. As a Dad of a Rainbow Girl (Majority now) I have a hard
time beleiving that you would let you daughter attend meetings or other events you know nothing about, times being
what they are. Another item in a sucessful Assembly is the Mother Advisor, She has to be a role model to the girls,
and be fair in all her dealings with the girls, no pets. Again we are blessed with a SUPER Mother Advisor, a Rainbow
girl herself (I was her Rainbow Dad) and has the respect and love of all the girls. I have told many girls that it
is not easy to be a good Rainbow Girl, it is more that attending the meetings and saying your part, it takes
dedication and commitment. The oath they take at the alter is more than a just words."
- "You have hit the mark about this! May I use this with our soon to be majority girls? They don't yet understand the
ugliness of life. I hate to be the one to tell them, but better one they trust than one they can't."
- "I think every assembly could use some inspiration about how to get Majority girls involved. I always hear the
comment that "Rainbow would be better off if we could get those 'old people' off the Advisory Boards," but if the
younger women refuse to serve, who is left? Maybe we didn't do a very good job of teaching them about "pay back time"
when they were Rainbow Girls."
- "I ... completely agree with your thoughts on the decline in Rainbow. Our assembly is one of those assemblies
with only 6 active members, no adult participation or evensupport, among the other things you mentioned on your site.
It is very discouraging, especially being Mother Advisor of the Assembly I was initiated into 8 years ago. When I
joined, there were 30 active girls and my name is the last on the charter. What is most disheartening is that the
decline happened when all of my friends graduated high school and went away to college, leaving about 6 of us to run
the assembly. We were never told the consequences of discontinued membership and how important it is to initiate girls
of all ages (esp. the young ones). Anyhow, that is probably why I have remained active after taking majority, because
of guilt or something."
- "I was a Rainbow Girl since the 70's and am an Eastern Star Member. I have a daughter that just became a Rainbow
Girl and is very proud of it. She is proud of her Aunt, Grandmother, Great Grandmother/father, and her mother.
When I was in Rainbow Girl's we had about 48 girls active and about 20 non active. It took me a while to go through the chairs, but I made it to Worthy Advisor. After becoming an Eastern Star Member, I left for the Military. I could have left it all behind me, no more meetings, nothing, kaboom, gone! BUT I DID NOT!!!!!!! Other than my Rainbow friends and Star friends, I have met more with all my travels in the Military. I would not give up the special friendships and bonds that I made."
- "I started reading your ramblings/sidetrack page and I started thinking...Wow...was this girl in my assembly???
*grin* I had one (or two or three) of those obsessive, psycho rainbow adults when I was going through. To make it
worse...they were in my Eastern Star Chapter when I got initiated! ARGHHH! They made my life so crazy, that I ended
up demitting to another assembly when I was 19."
- "RIGHT ON! It's good to see someone is critically looking at the organization for a change. I am currently an
advisory board member in [city, state] and am trying to find new and exciting ways to make Rainbow applicable to the
21st century young-woman. Your web page would be an excellent beginning for putting Rainbow into a contemporary
setting. If you've perused the other rainbow web-pages you will notice how they are geared toward already indoctrinated
"girls" and adults. I think you could develop this web-site with a good introduction to the aims of rainbow. Focus on
the development of woman and career goals rather than "good girls". Then find-out who in the past rainbow girl world
has gone on to be leaders in the community, government, military and world and have interviews with them. I would guess
a lot of these women would happily give their time if asked. ... this is something that NEEDS to be done if the Order is
to survive at all."
*[Another email from the same person:]*
- "I don't know how the "establishment" would feel about it, but I think building a web-page for the 21st century
girl is a marvelous idea. ... I am on the advisory board (you have no idea how old that makes me feel!) and I have to
admit, they are a pretty cool bunch. One or two bizarre ones, but on the whole the rest of them really support the
girls. ... I've been in a million weddings and my Rainbow training comes out in every one of them! Scary, they'll train
you to get married, but not how to get a job or do well in an interview...Bizarre..."
- "Rainbow is a wonderful organization, and is always changing. Most importantly, you need to keep it fun!!! A
pledge group is very helpful. Next month we are going to initiate 6 new members because of the pledge group. ...
Have a strong advisory board--they can help with all the activites, can't be done alone--teamwork. Get the word out
in the community---put articles in the newspaper, hand out flyers in town, be noticed--car washes, bake sales, flower
sales, community events!!! Don't give up, it always comes back to life. We were done to 7 active members, now we
have almost 20."
- "hi! i'm [name], a past grand editor in [state]. frustration doesn't even begin to describe it, does it? i am
currently part of a team trying to salvage my assembly which is down to one girl. we are in a state of reorganization
and actually it's working well because there are is a lot of young blood with intelligent energy. my biggest complaint
.....wake up and smell the coffee, folks! girls are not the same as they were 10 years ago, let alone 60. and frankly,
thank god for that because i would not want my daughter growing up an uneducated, subservient ninny! we have to start
MARKETING RAINBOW DIFFERENTLY. hit all of the bases here. do not market to an 11 year old the same way you would to
an older girl."
- "My name is Kathy, and I'm one of those important majority members you mentioned. (Thank you, its nice to be
remembered once in awhile.)"
*[I left this person's first name in, because putting [name] seemed like an oxymoron, and rather silly.]*
- "I just thought I would e-mail you and tell you that I agree TOTALLY with your opinions on why rainbow is
declining. I would like to add that in some places, Rainbow adults are failing to understand that they need to change
with the times and be competitive with other organizations. ... It seems to me that the demise of the Order is the
adults, and they need to "get a clue"."
- "Your side trip was on the mark. I am an adult worker in [state]. I have been with Rainbow for about 12 years and
have probably about 10 more in front of me. I have 3 daughters in Rainbow. Our advisory board has always felt that
this is the girls organization, noy the adults. It drives us crazy when an adult wants to be in charge and they know
what's best. About the other problems, activities and membership, I feel that we do a good job with the activities,
its jusr getting the girls and family members out to support them that is the problem at times. I feel that Rainbow
needs to work on getting more family participation going. Our family is just the opposite. ... I wish that the other
parents would take some more interest in their daughters lives. We need to refocus their values toward their families."
- "Soccer, basketball, lack of participation in OES and Masonry -- all of the above are reasons for the decline."
- "It is about time somebody said what needed to be said in your ramblings. Just in case you weren't aware (im so
proud) we are tha first new assembly in [state] in 8 years. yea us. Though we are new we too have our share of problems.
It is nice to know that there are still ppl out there that think and feel the way i do,we've got an obligation to uphold,
its not about what advisors want its about what todays girls want and need. Only one thing should remain our anchor and
that is our ritual. Our founder Mark Sexon didn't start our wonderful order for adults to carry another badge on their
vest, nor did he start it for competition purposes, if he had it wouldnt have included the great lecture and importance
of service. I told my assembly long before i got installed as W.A. that my term was dedicated to what Mr. Sexon planned
when he founded our order, I told them it was about service, helping the girls to be become better women and to provid
positive rolemodels for our world."
- "I'm pretty surprised and pleased that you have the guts to say what you really mean. I remember getting into a bit
of trouble for doing that when I was involved. Sure, I knew when to keep my mouth shut and smile prettily for those
adults you were referring to in your ramblings. But the few times I did open my mouth, whoa!
I don't live in [state] anymore, and I haven't joined any masonic adult groups yet, partly because of school, but also because I needed a breather."
- "Last year we had five girls and are now at 18. It can be done. I am a new mother advisor, this is my second year.
We heavily recruit to girls who are disadvantaged and need a safe place to grow up in."
- "I just happened to find your website by accident, and found some of the things you're saying to be very true....
unfortunately.
I myself am a Senior DeMolay/Freemason/Chapter Dad who has been around the "scene" since my dad joined the lodge back in '86. Combine that with having been a DeMolay since '91, three terms as MC of [name] Chapter and two years as a J.O., let's just say I've seen a lot.
I think the most tragic truth we have to realize is that most people with the "my way or the highway" mentality have actual good intentions. These people, no matter what group we're talking about, are so set in their ways that they have trouble accepting new ideas. We're approaching the new millennium, we need to change."
- "I agree with your "sidetrack" about Rainbow. I am a PWA and Majority Member, as well as an Eastern Star. I'm
also on the Advisory Board, and at a ripe old age of 29, am not taken very seriously. So far we have managed
to get 2 other Majority girls on the board in the last year. One of the reasons that I agreed to be a board
member was because I felt that the girls needed a voice, someone to advocate for them. For years, we really
didn't have that. We now have 30 girls in attendance at every meeting. My last term as WA, (I did it 4 times)
I had barely 7 officers to open a meeting. I knew even then that the Board members could be quite vindictive
and I also know what you mean by the Psycho reference. I want the girls to have as much fun as I did back then.
I was always the one, while a rainbow girl, that was pushing the envelope...trying to get our assembly into the
right century. Fortunately, I think we're almost there."
- "I liked the site very much, not just because it is a beautiful site, but because of the very informative and
accurate pholosophy that you have expressed..."
- "I have been Worthy Advisor three times and I have seen the assembly grow from 4 members to over 20 in about
two years. I have learned that the key to membership and adult participation is FUN!!!! People have to enjoy
something in order to go back to it and the same goes for rainbow. If you make it fun for yourselves others
will see what a great time you are having and they will want to join in. Invite the masons to a shadow night
and have it be a themed meeting ... We also had a meeting where we dressed in halloween costumes (within reason!)
the sideliners again were asked to participate! Make the meetings fun and people will think the fun activites
on the weekends are EVEN MORE FUN!!!!"
- "just wanted to say I love your site! I'm a PWA/Maj of [name] Assembly. Your opinions about Rainbow are
similar to mine just as if I'd writen them. My Aunt is a PMA and my Cousin a PGO. I think that past and
present members of Rainbow are it's greatest asset and greatest problem. the politics thing can be so immoral
and totally oppisite of what Rainbow is supposed to be about. Hope you can expand the site and keep Majority
Members connected."
[ Back | Home | Email Rainbow.org's owner | Complete Site Map ]
Over the past four years, I've gotten quite a bit of email from current and Majority Rainbow girls (including MANY Grand Reps and Officers) and their parents, Masons, Eastern Star members, even from DeMolay members! I thought I would post some commentary from them here, anonymously, and with any details I consider "identifying" blanked out. Maybe you can get inspiration, encouragement, or reassurance from one of these people. Who knows; maybe some of the "in charge" persons would read these and clue in! Hey, anything's possible, right?
All spelling and punctuation are "as-is", and are listed newest to oldest. If you recognize your own words and do not wish for them to be up here, please contact me, tell me which is yours, and I will remove it from the site.
This is Comments, Page Two - comments from before 07/2001.
View Comments, Page One for the newest comments.
I've had tons more in my in-box, but I don't need to post all the compliments; someone would think I'm having an ego trip! But thank you to everyone who enjoys my site, either for the content, or the 'pretty' graphics. I promise to try and make this website worthwhile!
Got something to add, good or bad? (ooh, it rhymes!) Then email me! Again, please remember I value your privacy and mine. Names, locations, and other information I think could be identifying will be [bracketed] or ...'ed out of any comments I post on this site.
[ Back | Home | Email Rainbow.org's owner | Complete Site Map ] [EoF]
